I went to see a surgeon on Tuesday about my arms going numb and electric fence feelings in my arm, shoulder, and face. He called, yes the doctor actually called! Surgery is on Thursday, June 11th... So fast, I am not ready, but oh well. And I was hoping to have some human contact (male, of course) - just incase.

A lot has happened recently. I have been talking to my daughter every day almost. She is moving out here to go to college! I will be her "guinea pig" because she wants to be a therapeutic masseuse! We both have been on a roller coaster ride with everything from my ex threatening to send me to jail if she comes to the knowledge that college is $1074 a semester! Too tierd to write more.

ok, so at midnight the phone rings and it is Jeremy (my 19yo)calling to wish me a happy mothers day. hat was awesome, but then he says someone wants to talk to you mom... my mind was reeling - who in the hell would want to talk to me, that's in Texas with my son??? It was my daughter, Molly!!!!! We couldn't talk long, but it was great, she even said that she misses me and loves me and wants to come visit. Best Mother's Day in a LONG, LONG time.


Hot Mothers-Day Graphics!

well, it's been awhile and things are the same and not the same. I see a neurosurgeon on Thursday, but I do not know if it is for my neck, no reflexes in arms and left arm/hand numb, or my lower back, have 2 missing discs and compressed nerves - no reflexes in left leg - where did those damn discs run off too I wonder?

So will know more on Thursday, in the meantime I had to stop my masters program because typing can be a disaster sometimes. putting in for disability services, but that takes time, but I have 6 months free at the most (then finances get weird). Started adderal for ADHD and it is great, I can function again, but now I am out of school and bored stiff.

I did go out on two dates. one 10 years older... like dating an old man and one 10 years younger, like dating a kid... Thank goodness they both live 100 miles away in opposite directions because they're not relationship material - at least for me. I have met a local guy I am in "something" with, but there are - well I just do not know, I got brave and told him I wanted to go out and boy - what a strange answer - he said "oh no - we have to talk about this..." I am waiting, he has called several times though asking for favors - lol. He has about 25 horses and is a horse wrangler for the movies. His horses are in several PBS documentaries, The Horse Whisperer, and The Missing, among many others. I am going riding, do not care if I am not supposed to!

I graduated with a 3.87 GPA. Start my masters April 21, if I still have usable hands. Working on disability assistance for school. I need surgery because the bone chips in my first fusion kept growing and are compressing the nerves to my hands - it sucks. Not diving far anymmore - just incase.
Talked my my 19yo, Jeremy, today. He was in a bad dirt bike accident, concussion, torn arm ligaments, etc. Pissed because no one called me as usual - and he was in the hospital. oh well, nothing I can do about it. So it is taking him a bit longer to move up here.
Been doing ok atherwise, I gusess, but headed into depression - I think...

I may have accidentally gotten a job. I went to a job fair for an administrative position and after looking at my resume the girl said, "We have a higher paying position but you have to have either a year clean or be mentally ill and in treatment." Mae the mistake of telling her I have multiple years clean and see my therapist weekly... That led to a 40 minute interview. The job won't start until June which gives me time to sort out the latest medical problems of cramping and numbness. My arms, and chest are cramping like mad - and it hurts. he right side of my face, neck, and chest are numb - that's bad means problem with nerves right below my skull.

In other news...my financial counselor called (a substitute) and said - "Gee, sorry to tell you but we need $1500 plus by today or you cannot take the last class." WTF!!! Thank goodness for Jewish parents who care about education - I am still on track to graduate March 30.
I started a new psyc med & an arthritis drug - no problem with sleep now - I can and have been sleeping all day & night, but I still can't concentrate - call the shrink and let him know this drug sucks!

And last but not least - Kind of have a crush on this local guy and finally figured out why - he is blunt and can be really rude because he tells the truth - i.e. - not a nice guy! (I am not fond of all the nice guys I have been meeting) Heaven - help me...

And if that wasn't bad enough:
WARNING REALLY ADULT CONTENT!!!
http://www.break.com/usercontent/2008/2/Ultimate-Orgy-445189.html

Sorry I have been absent. Life is ok, I am surviving emotionally and physically, if not financially. I got really sick for a couple of weeks and this slowed down my attempt to rent out my rooms, so maybe this week, I will finally get to that chore. Otherwise, all remains the same.

I have a really difficult literature class at the moment, but on March 30, 2009, I finish my bachelors!!!!! Commencement is on July 18 in Phoenix - too hot, but going anyway. I have already contacted the school about continuing on to get my masters.

I have been having visitors - now I know why I am anti-social - lol. Right now my foster son from Texas is visiting and is such a pleasure to have here as he is literate!

I have not been getting out but have met a couple of guys, really, really, really, really nice guys - now know that I do not prefer "nice guys", ok, I like nice guys but they need an "edge" and to be literate.

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You have had a tough childhood, you know how to be a thief and exploit others but you stand up for society's cast-offs.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

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Can't be any worse than last year...

A few years ago I played with the Nigerian check scamers. I have a nice collection of bad checks in huge amounts. I even called the FBI and talked to a man who was confused that I was actually having fun playing games with them.
So on to the latest scam--->internet dating.
My friend put me on a dating site and lo and behold a beautiful Sargent Major Cammander stationed in Iraq responded. I figured what the hell, at least I could brighten his day. By day two he was madly in love with me and was ready to retire and move to New Mexico with his two boys that were staying with his uncle in Texas because his wife died tragically two years ago - RED FLAG and weird feelings invaded my being. I talked to him via IM about three times a day for 3-4 days. here were things that just didn't jive and I had my suspisions, but I am a game player and on we talked of love, warm fires, and stargazing - after we marry in March - WTF!!! So last night he told me his B-day is JAn 10th and he would love a touch screen IPod and accessories. Now, remember he is in Iraq, but the "poor commander" is not allowed gifts - it is a security thing. So, I must contact his "diploma" in Ghana and send it to him, he will then get it to "my love" in Irag. ROFLMFAO. I may actually send something, It's too bad dog shit won't go through customs. After the supposed gift is in the mail, I will tell him that he better tighten his game and make for damn sure that he is not trying to con a con artist!

I have been busy trying to clean out my two bedrooms to rent out - depressing, no library & no sewing room...
Still have no results from the autopsy, but both my mother and mother-in-law have talked to numerous doctors and believe that when Jerry fell he tore his spleen - it takes two days to bleed out and die. So, the ER room didn't pay attention to him, they just took an x-ray and said nothing was broken - go home. So they are both talking lawsuit and my mother has already found a Jewish shark to take the case - if that is what they decide to do.
And - I HATE BEING ALONE!!!

I have decided to quit complaining - well try to anyway, my mom is never going to change. I have been talking to this guy... It started as a possible job offer to write a grant for starting a community center in a small town about 40 miles from here. He is 52 and single and would drive my mom nuts, even though I have a feeling that he is very well off. But I have already told him friends for awhile because my husband just died and any decent relationship would start there. We have been talking every night - there are a few problems, but nothing that I can't handle and they aren't really big, in my opinion. ok, so I am nuts - it is really lonely out here...

I have had it with my mother's inuendos and snide remarks about finances (supporting me)and finding a decent guy this time. I am once again packing and am looking for a bumper pull camp trailer to live in. She can take her house and shove it. I have decided to finish school and hit the road. I figure that I will be done in Feb or March, so, that gives me time to organize, pack, find storage, get a camp trailer, apologize to my son, and bug out.

I feel like I have abandoned LJ. I have been busy with my son being here, but now that he is gone, I am sliding down into a depression - I feel so alone...Sorry guys.

Today has been awful, it has been a month since Jerry died and I have spent the majority of the day in tears.(I should be dehydrated by now) Tomorrow, I go pick up my son from my mom's and have my b-day dinner (sushi). He stayed with them because they bought him the ticket here. Anyway, today my phone finally got put in and he just called. I tried to hide the cracking in my voice and failed. He said "It's ok momma, that's why I'm here. You can cry on my shoulder when I get there. I love you." I have waited for so long to hear him say that.

Bo is at the rescue ranch. Then, I spent the day shopping with my parents (ok, mostly tagging along) and I am exhausted - my brain is mush.
My dad was looking for PJ's and always gets those flannel plaid old man types, so I made him get a cool fuzzy pair of PJ pants and a nice henley shirt to go with them and a pair of flannels that had trees and wolves on them. He'll be looking good!
Our last stop was groceries and I promised myself, soda - that's it. $98 later, I thanked my mother for the nice stuff she picked out for me to eat. At least she knows my tastes. We discussed T-day and what she(i.e. me) was going to be cooking.
And it was decided and finalized, a fancy sushi place for my b-day. It will be a sad day but at least one of my kids will be there. I am so looking forward to Jeremy being here.

And a last note: I had my suspisions that the "equestrain monsters" would say something nasty about Jerry's passing - at least one did - God will get the bitch(s)!

I have heat again - the heater is fixed. My doctor says I look 'drawn' and she saw me last Friday, they say I am losing weight - but I haven't checked - actually haven't even checked blood sugar or taken my insulin... Should have a phone by Friday - oh ya, said that last week... School started... I do not like being alone. Had some concerns about my thoughts/thinking, but my therapist said that in my situation, not to worry, perfectly normal - whew - I was starting to worry... Still haven't found the chow hound horse a home... I am going now - Pan's Labyrinth is starting...